|In which I discuss those fancy new moviefilm discs.
||[May. 21st, 2007|10:42 am]
Dear People Who Make the Things I Spend All My Spare Money On,|
I grow weary of your glimmering platters. They get scuffed by a stare, my heart flutters at the mere thought of lending them to folks, and also they're dumb.
We are well overdue for a new format for movies that isn't just a dumb refinement to an expiring medium that requires me to buy your dumb machines and re-purchase all my dumb movies. That's dumb. You're dumb.
INFORMATION YOU MAY BE UNAWARE OF: Optical discs get scratched easily and often. I care exactly not at all how much crap you can put on them, or how totally magical this new crisper version of the same movie I have already purchased twice is, because you still have amnesia. We had this "no scratch" technology in the seventies. The SEVENTIES. You people didn't even know how to make a VINCENT BONDY in the seventies, but you could make pictures in the video-machine with something that, without ruining the delicate tapemeats contained within, you could shove in your pocket if only your pants weren't so tight.
If you absolutely have to keep peddling these loserdiscs (You don't, by the way. You're just a dumb jerk), put them in a protective case that continues to contain them as you play them. Remember how you even kind of figured that out? Remember how awesome the minidisc was? Well, nobody does, because you screwed it up. But look, here's your opportunity to make up for that; Put your doofy blu-ray thingies in a protective sheath. Get this; It'll protect the tender discmeats inside. You'll WANT to protect that disc part. I'm not even kidding. Do something. Encase it in cement. Put it between two slices of bread. You can make us buy a special toaster with a component output. Whatever. You have brains, I know you do. You don't even need to take them out of your skulls before using them. I believe in you. FIX IT.